So, Now What? Life After Your Child’s Autism or ADHD Diagnosis with Greer Jones

Welcome to the podcast, Greer. It's, really good to have you on here again

you for having me. I'm excited to be back

So last time we spoke, you'd just been at the SEND rally in London, and now you've got a summit and a book coming out soon too

Yes. Very, very exciting and also very busy.

Gonna say you've been so busy. Can you talk a bit about your summit, and, you know, what made you want to put on a summit, and who's it for?

Yeah, so it's called the Beautifully Wired Summit. it's for moms raising girls with ADHD and autism. and, you know, and I would say Beautifully Wired is for girls and women with ADHD and autism, 'cause a lot of times we get diagnosed through our kids. and although I don't have any girls, which people are like, why are you hosting that?" When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I kind of did a, a deep dive into ADHD. I, I was already kind of in a deep dive with ADHD, that's kind of how I was diagnosed with ADHD. But I realized a lot of things were based around girls and how they're being missed, and, you know, why there is such a, a massive gap in, you know, kind of women and girls being diagnosed, particularly with ADHD, but also with autism. And so I, in that process, was just like we, there are so many people out there who are struggling because they just think there's something wrong with them, when in reality it's they just have a different brain type that is beautifully wired. It's just wired differently. and so yeah, so I wanted to put together some experts and speakers and kind of thought leaders in this space, come together in one "room." It's all virtual, so we're, we don't have to leave anywhere. but yeah, kind of across a few days. And so yeah, that's, that's kinda how it came about. so it's three days all online, happening October 5th to the 7th. and yeah, it's, it's packed with, you know, kind of sessions. They're, they're prerecorded, so you have time to watch them. It's not, again, a time thing, 'cause I recognize as moms we're life-ing and, you know, life happens and all of that. and so there's those kind of elements. But, you know, a big part of my story is the isolation I felt in parenting a neurodivergent child, and so wanting to make sure there's community. So we have kind of like a private Facebook group as well as, some other live events that are, I call them the fun events. all of it is fun of course, but, the kind of more live things are things like, we have, yeah, a cocktail mocktail-making evening where we'll, we'll jump on Zoom and do that. Or, we have a sound bath experience as well, which, again, all on Zoom, which yeah, it's, I'm like, "Yes, this is what I'm looking forward to as well." So yeah, I t- I tried to think through, you know, being a mom, what it's like, and, and kind of working from my experience, but also kind of the experience of others that I've, I've talked about as well.

Well, that sounds really fun.

I love a sound bath.

I know, I'm, I've never done one over Zoom before, so I'm excited to see how this goes. Like, my friend who does sound baths, she has a, kind of a yoga practice as well. and she's done a couple on Zoom before, and they've gone well, so I'm like, "Yes," like, "Let's do this."

Such a good idea

Yeah. So you're speaking across all three days. Without giving too much away, what's one thing from your sessions you think our listeners would most need to hear?

Each talk that I have kind of points back to that idea of you're not doing this in isolation. the first day I talk about overwhelm and how that happens and, some practical things you can do, but then also going back to being like, you know, you can share the load with other people as well, and how does that look like, when, you know, when your village is small. and then the second day I talk a lot about calm and being regulated. kind of goes on from being overwhelmed and then kind of the calm and, and again, looking at, you know, there's spaces where you can, y- you know, you need to prioritize yourself. And, something that I kind of have mentioned a little bit is, you know, the idea that the mom often gets lost in the equation. So when we're looking at support , for the children, which is very needed, there's not a... Obviously, I'm a big advocate of having support for your child. you know, the mom or the parents are often kind of lost in that support package and that kind of thinking, and so making sure that the mom is in the equation. and part of that equation is having community, having a village, and what does that look like. And then the final day is, you know, we're celebrating. I, my husband just rolls his eyes. He, he was like, "Of course you're gonna have a whole day about celebrating because you just love to celebrate." I mean, I, our son got star of the week, and did we have a balloon arch, and poppers, and ordered his favorite food because he got star of the week? Yes, we did. 'Cause I was like, "You know what? He has worked so hard for this." and so, you know, of course, so I love celebrating and so again, looking at how we can celebrate together, you know, how to celebrate our differences, and again, that kind of theme of just you're not in isolation. as much as it feels it, as much as at times it's really hard, it's that idea that we're, we're, we're in this together. and so getting to celebrate on the last day together, I'm, I'm excited. I have, I have probably way too much planned for that session, but, I'm, I'm ready. I'm like, "Yes, this is gonna be, like, the best one."

I think it's so needed, that sense of community and so it's lovely that you're bringing people together and can totally get on board with celebrating.

Yeah. That's really nice. I love the balloon arch. That's so good. Such a good

Yeah.

Yeah, I just don't like blowing them up.

idea.

Yeah. Oh, no, I've gotten an electric one 'cause, yeah, I, I, one, can't blow up balloons, and two, the times I have I've got really lightheaded. And so I was like, "No, this is the best investment, is having one of those electric ones that I can just..." I do two balloons at a time and then tie them together.

Brilliant so we hear about sometimes parents recognizing, themselves in their children, particularly when they get a diagnosis. Was that your experience?

Yes, a little bit. so our son was diagnosed with ADHD, and I was like, "I'm gonna learn everything I can about ADHD." and I was like all in. Again, looking back, I think, how did I not know I had ADHD? But, you know, really just, yeah, going kind of all in and wanting to learn. And so I found a book ... I just I went onto Amazon and was like, "I'm gonna get five books about it," and one of them came up as It All Makes Sense Now by Meredith Cartier, and who's also one of my speakers, and was listening to the audiobook. And I remember I was in the kitchen doing the dishes listening to this, and I was like, "She's just described my life." Like, how has this stranger like described my life and how I've thought through things, how, you know, kind of the impulse but not impulse, you know, like just different things like that. And so I ... It was like, "Okay. Well, maybe I need to explore this." So then I started kind of looking into ADHD in women and just what does that look like a little bit more, which then, yeah, led me into, going for a diagnosis, which, yeah, I got. I got a letter that said I had ADHD and then some, kind of some like links to go underneath of it and was like, "There you go." And I remember thinking, one, this is really climatic, like it's just a letter in the post. but two, it was, it was just a moment where I didn't feel like I was crazy. And I remember that's what I said to my husband. I said, "Look, I'm not crazy," because I wouldn't have said I felt crazy my whole life, but equally I did, you know, if that makes it Like, I felt kind of a, like an outsider or felt just off. I always kind of just said I just felt like a, a shade off of the color or whatever. And so, I felt like this was a, a piece of paper that proved that I wasn't crazy, and that there was a name to it.

That's brilliant

so would you like to tell us a bit about your book that's coming out?

Yeah, so, this book is called So Now What? which I feel like, I don't know, I've said those words definitely.

I think that's a really good title 'cause I think we've all said that.

Yeah. and it really starts where you've either, your child's been diagnosed, kind of neurodivergent, or you've had that conversation with school, which is, you know, that, that one conversation where they're like, "Maybe we should explore," you know, that kind of thing. and you, you leave with, with one answer, but then you have 100 more. and, and that kind of, okay, so now what do I do? And, it really is that I- for me, I call it like a, a road map or a foundation of looking at all these different little areas that are kind of swirling in your mind from, you know, what is meltdowns to the grief that parents go through, through this process to, also potentially finding out you're neurodivergent and, or talking to family members about it. So all these kind of little things that, kind of all happen. but nothing- I always like to say it's a foundation, and if you wanna deep dive into something else, you can go and I, at, at the end of every chapter, there's kind of some action points and then some further resources that link to other, other books or podcasts or, or things like that, where people can kind of go a little bit deeper on those, on those topics. But I know for me at the start, I Googled everything, which is good and bad. it's not always great. but a lot of things I just wanted to kind of know the s- I don't want to say the surface level, but the kind of broader picture of things. You know, like I didn't wanna, you know, I have since obviously read books about meltdowns and things like that, but at the time I just wanted to kind of know what is this meltdown that I keep hearing about? What, what am I supposed to do in that moment? You know, like kind of that kind of thing. And so that's, that's what I've written is the book I wish I had basically of, looking at, okay, this is what a meltdown actually is. This is what's actually happening, and here's kind of th- some things that you can try. Here's kind of things not to do. you know, that, that kind of thing. So yeah, it's, it's made, like I said, it, it's made because I, I wish I had it when I was on this journey, and wanting to really just give parents that, that first step into understanding their child and, and the reality that they're kind of now in, as well as create a home that is still joyful. I think that's kind of my heart behind is, is you know, for so long, I w- I've been in, you know, s- in survival mode and, and coming out of that was like, oh, there, I can actually enjoy this. I can have a home that I can enjoy and, you know, it's not always easy. I think there's sometimes we think joy and easy are the same thing, which is not true. But, the idea that, yeah, we can, we can create a home that is joyful even when raising neurodivergent kids.

That sounds really good. it does. And when's it

yeah, it comes out November 11th, so not long, but yet still far away.

a good book.

It's so useful to have a resource at that point because, like you, I was googling, like, "What's this? What does it mean?" And, and you know that you're now on a different pathway, but it's a lot to kind of get your head round at that point, so I think your book sounds ideal

Yeah. Thank you. And also, I tried to have it be... So it's written for parents, but it's also, something that I hope that parents can also buy for, you know, grandparents or aunts and uncles or friends, you know, who want to kind of understand more, but again, don't want a whole book on meltdowns or a whole book on like different things, but kind of just get that overview of, okay, this is what's happening when a meltdown's happening, or this is, you know, why we don't attend things sometimes or, you know, that kind of, that kind of thing as well

Yeah, that's, that's always a hard one when you're in those social situations or not going to those social situations, the understanding around you, isn't it? So I think anything you can do to make your family or the people around you ha- you know, understand, I think that's, that's good.

Mm. Yeah

So for parents, um, listening, I'm thinking of some of the questions that we get, um, people at the point of maybe waiting for a diagnosis, getting a diagnosis, and really struggling with their child maybe not attending school, with the meltdowns and the things, and they feel like they're spiraling. What advice would you have to somebody at that point of the journey?

Yeah. First that, I know I've said this a lot. You're, people are gonna be like, "She's really into this." First, you're not alone. but and that idea that, you know, in the moment it feels really lonely, but there are so many other parents who are also experiencing this, around... I, I like to, anyway, I, I like to kind of go big and be like, there are other parents right now in this moment who are also experiencing this in the UK or around the world, or, you know, whatever that moment is. but also remembering, that, you know, I, I say this a lot to myself just to re- remind myself, is that they're having a hard time. They're not trying to give me a hard time. And that has really, and I have to say that a lot because my first instinct is, they're being defiant. They're, you know, they're, they're choosing this, kind of thing. And so as I say that to myself, I said it this morning on our way to school, was, you know, like that idea that it helps me then respond differently, and helps me to think through, okay, my response can be, you know, one of, okay, let's breathe together, or let's, you know, kind of thinking about my child, what, what works for my child. We do a lot of, of breathwork in our house, and so, you know, it allows me to think for a second, okay, in this moment, we need to just breathe. Let's, you know, work at that. Or my son often in a meltdown likes to be squeezed, like pressure is a big thing for him, so he likes to really be held, which when you're in the grocery store sitting on the floor squeezing your child, it, it looks weird, but it works. It, it works. So, you know, that kind of thing. But, yeah, so kind of just, I think giving your mindset of that idea that they're having a hard time, they're not trying to give you a hard time, can really help you think through. And that idea that you need to respond and not react, I think we, again, I'm preaching to the choir here, to myself, but, you know, like so often we want to react to what's happening around us, and how in, in those moments of, of meltdown or of, you know, frustration or anxiety, like we need to respond instead of react. And so giving ourselves that mindset of, okay, how can I respond to this, can really help so that you are, you're, yeah, you're not reacting and not just causing the situation to be worse, but thinking through what is actually gonna work for my child, which can be so many things. But yeah, I, I, I would say breathwork is probably the one we fall on a lot, because it's, I always say it's free, and I always have my breath. So, I can, no matter where I am, I can always do it. And so, yeah, we, we kind of think through what, what does that look like?

That's really good advice. Thank you

I love talking about breathwork as well. It's one that, like I said, it's free and you always have it. So no, no matter where you are, you can always, you know, breathe or, you know, that kind of idea of, like, counting to 10, how there's a lot of science behind why counting to 10 can be, will give you that response time versus react time. and I'm like, people knew. People have always known, you know, what our bodies need. It's just we may not have had, always had the language to, you know, to say it. But yeah, I, I remember growing up, that was the big thing, count to 10, count to 10. Like, and I always was like, "Why?" And yeah, it works. It helps our bodies to respond versus react.

Is there any particular place you've learnt about breathwork? Great question. yeah, so I started following someone on social media who's in the US, which now I cannot think of her name. She's lovely. send it to us and we can put it in the notes yeah, so she does a lot of breathwork, just in general. It wasn't necessarily neurodivergent breathwork. And then I reached out to her and she kind of put me in touch with someone, who, again, is, still kind of exploring. Like, she does a lot more of the research behind breathwork and neurodivergence and, and the body, kind of, I guess, if that makes sense. So, yeah, and then I've gone and done some training in it 'cause I just was like, this is, It, yeah, it's just, it's amazing what it- Like I always say, it feels so silly and so simple to be like, "Oh, just breathe," but actually there's so much into that. Like, when we think about the different types of breathing and how it helps our nervous system, like, there's so much science behind just say- Like, I mean, I don't suggest to anyone just tell yourself, "Just breathe," 'cause that's not always great. If my husband said that to me I would look at him and probably like, "You just breathe," you know? But the idea equally, like, how much breathing can help the nervous system and, and it's there, you know? Like, we don't need anything extra or anything like that I find it amazing how our bodies and

work so well.

It's really powerful, isn't it? I had, panic attacks quite a lot when I was younger growing up, and I learnt different breathing techniques, and they just massively helped me and they still help me now. They just stop me getting to stage. So

Yeah. I, yeah,

it's a really good one

panic attacks a lot, as in college and then, kind of a new mom both, both times when I was pregnant I had them quite a bit. And, yeah, breathing again. And again, I'm like h- h- why didn't I think of this now? You know, like, but at the time it just was like, yeah, but how breathing can really help, and really give you that response

. It seems quite a simple thing, but, um, it's actually really powerful

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. You've helped, my children with some breathwork, haven't you? With the techniques that you know, and I know my daughter found it useful

And there's so many ways to breathe as well, which again, it's a whole new world. I feel like I've, like, unlocked this whole new world ', you know, a lot of people who are in sports breathe a certain way, like they train themselves to breathe a certain way when they're playing the sport because it gives more oxygen to the body. There's so much more th- to breathing than what we think.

Yeah.

So between the podcast and the community and the course and now the book, you've built a lot around this one mission. ,

I don't want any mom, to feel like she's doing this on her own, i'm, like, on a mission to make sure every mom raising a neurodivergent child knows that because part of my story is that I, I felt like I was dropped into a pitch-black maze and told to find my way out, and just the isolation that I felt. And, you know, some of that was from the, quote, unquote, "experts," out there who were, you know, telling me that I was doing it horribly wrong. And, you know, they're the experts, so I believed them. which I have come to learn they're not necessarily the experts, but that's a whole nother, nother trail. But, but the idea that, you know, I, you know, in community as I found other people, you know, sharing my story, there were times where it was, it was pretty dark. I won't lie. The isolation that I felt was just so overwhelming and consuming, that it got really difficult at times. But as I shared more about what we were going through, you know, with people in our everyday lives and, you know, on social media, you know, having other people kind of go, "Yeah. Oh, yeah, we do that, too," or, "Oh, that's happened to us," you know, "You're not alone in this," like, just felt like they were shining... Like, sharing a little bit of their light so I could get out of that pitch-black maze. I always... Someone asked, like, "Oh, are you out of the maze?" And I'm like, "No, I'm still in it, but I have light." You know? Like, I still, I have, you know, other people who are ahead of me who are, you know, helping shine their light and people who are walking beside me to help shine their light and, and, you know, I get to be, you know, people behind me. You know, and so just the idea that, like, together we're still in this maze that we call raising neurodivergent kids, but it's not dark anymore. and so yeah, that's really everything that I do, is kind of stemmed from that and wanting to, to share my light with someone else so that way they don't, they don't feel so alone.

That's such a lovely way of explaining it. Yeah. I think we've been there too, haven't we? We- we've definitely been in that isolated place, but we were lucky that we were going through it at a similar time, weren't we?

Yes. But I think I was just reflecting as you were saying that, I remember being at the school gates when my son, he just was beginning not to cope, and they were going on this school trip, and the parents were waiting to wave the children off on the bus. And I remember he'd been saying that he didn't want to go, and when they all came out, he was crying his eyes out, and the teacher turned to me and she said, "Do you have ear defenders?" And I said, "No, not in my." handbag. Why do I need ear defenders? .." You know, all these questions. And another mom, who I didn't know, she said, "I've got ear defenders in the car, I think. Or if not, we can get you some from the school." And she just sort of rallied, and it's that support when you don't know anything at that point, do you? It's just overwhelming, and they're distressed, and you're distressed that they're distressed. You don't really know how to fix it. So I think that community that then builds or, and you know, everybody is lucky enough to have the mom standing behind you or, you know, like Natalie said, we were, we were luckily going through it at the same time. So I think it's so important what you're doing,

Thank you. Someone asked me, they're like, "Oh, it must be really rewarding." And I said, "It is rewarding, but it's also heartbreaking," because people come to me in, like you say, that distressed, in that overwhelm, in that survival mode, and I can feel that because I was there. You know, I, I know what that's like and that, just, yeah, like all those feelings. But also getting to see them on that journey is so, you know, rewarding and, really, I don't know, I love it. I, I mean, I don't love them in pain, but you know what I mean, that kind of getting to see their wins and celebrate, I just, I get to, I, I have decided I'm now a professional cheerleader, because I just get to cheer people on and get to celebrate with them, which I said that once in a conversation with some Americans, and they were like, "Oh, what, what team are you on?" I was like, "Oh, hold on. Let me, let me clarify when I say professional cheerleader." I was like, "Not for a team." I was like, "For the team of neurodivergents," like that's the, that's the team. But yeah, it's, it's definitely rewarding,

And I think it's so important to know that there is light, like you said, in the maze that you're in. That how it is at the beginning, there is support out there. It's just connecting with people who are on a similar pathway to you, maybe a few steps ahead, and it makes all the

Yeah, definitely, yeah. I have a really good friend mom, mom friend, just a friend. her son is about five years older than my son roughly. and just her wealth of knowledge of being like, "Okay, this is what you need to do. This is, you know, kind of the things that you need to..." And it's because she's lived it, so she's like, "I get, you know, I get this. I understand this, but, like, this is, this is where you are now. This is, you know, kind of your new identity" was what she talked about, was kind of that you've taken on all these other hats now. and so, I'm very grateful for her 'cause she, she's been a wealth of knowledge. Even now, like, I still am like, "Okay, now what? New year, let's have another conversation of, like, what do I do now?" so yeah, it's, it's having that, like, having all, everyone on, on different, the whole path I think is, it's always really good

Yeah, 100% agree. YeahWhere's the best place for our listeners to go to find out more about your summit and your book?

Instagram's a great place. That will have lots of all the info so you can follow me at The Unfinished Idea or my website, which is theunfinishedidea.com, which again, will have all the things and all the places. and then , I also host a podcast called Neurodivergent Conversations, which you can find anywhere. Everyone asks me, like, "Oh, is it on this platform?" I'm like, "Sure, yeah. It's everywhere." So

All the podcast platforms. We'll put links to all of those in the show notes as well so they can click

Perfect. Yeah

And do you have any plans to do any more summits in the future?

Yeah. I, so I will just say at my previous role I did events and conferences and, and wedding planning, so I love this kind of thing. and then getting to have it be, like w- you know, with my like, with my friends, but like, you know, kind of like with moms. I'm like, "This is perfect. Both my worlds have collide- collided." So yeah, definitely looking at doing another one. I think, I think, don't, don't hold me to this, but I think my husband has agreed to host one for dads of n- raising neurodivergent kids. just because again, he's, he's struggled to find kind of his village a little bit. And so, he was like, he, you know, obviously he's, talked about my summit and I wa- he's like, "I want one." I was like, "Well, go do that." Like, you know, like I can't, I can't host a summit for dads, but I'm happy to help. So, I think that's, yeah, gonna come. We're starting to make plans for it, so hopefully in the kind of newish year, we'll be able to kind of share more about that. But yeah, hopefully that's, oh, I think the next one. we'll see. Come January you'll, you'll either know it's happening or not, so, yeah

Brilliant

Yeah, brilliant. Definitely keep us in the loop. We might know some dads who could come along.

Yep.

Well, thank you so much for joining us. Yeah, it's always lovely to catch up with you

Yeah, thank you for having me. I love chatting with you guys