In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome, Claire Grayshan, business coach and mother to three neurodivergent children to the show. Claire opens up about her journey to receiving both an autism and ADHD diagnosis later in life, how it transformed her parenting and why recognising your strengths can be the key to building a life that truly works for you.
Biography
Claire is a late-diagnosed autistic ADHDer, mum of three neurodivergent kids, and a passionate advocate for better mainstream school support, as both a parent and school governor. She spent years masking, overachieving, and burning out, first navigating a system that doesn’t fit her children, then growing a business using strategies that didn’t fit her brain.
After autistic burnout, she rebuilt her business on her own terms. Now, as founder of The Virtual Vibe Coaching, she helps online service providers and coaches realign their strategy and simplify sales, so they can grow sustainably, without burnout, or forcing what doesn’t fit.
Key Takeaways
How late diagnosis can shape how you see yourself. It can bring clarity, self-compassion, and validation after years of internal doubt and masking.
How recognising shared neurodivergent traits can strengthen your parenting. It can fostering deeper connection and more empathetic support for your children.
How the school system falls short – what small, practical changes could make classrooms more inclusive and less overwhelming for neurodivergent learners.
How receiving a diagnosis can boost your confidence as an advocate – helping you trust your instincts and push past self-doubt when navigating EHCPs and school challenges.
How building a business around your energy and strengths is important – especially when traditional models drain you and don’t reflect your reality as a neurodivergent parent.
Quote
“We are the best people to parent our children because we’re perfect for them.” — Claire Grayshan
Connect with Claire Grayshan
Sales Strategy Selector Quiz
Uncover how you sell best and which strategy suits you — based on your natural style and personality — so you can align your strategy, play to your strengths, and see your content convert. https://www.thevirtualvibe.co.uk/salesstrategyselector
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I’m Victoria. And I’m Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.
Victoria Bennion:
Today we’re joined by Claire Gration, a brilliant business coach, a mom to
three neurodivergent children. Claire shares her powerful story of being
diagnosed with autism and A DHD in her late thirties, and she talks about how
that moment changed, not just how she sees herself, but also how she parents
advocates and runs her business.
Victoria Bennion:
Welcome to the podcast, Claire. It’s great to have the [00:01:00]
chance to chat with you today.
Claire Grayshan:
Thank you Thank you for having me on..
Victoria Bennion:
Could you begin by talking about what it was like getting your autism and a DHD
diagnosis later in life, while also parenting neuro divergent children.
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Oh, where do I even begin? That is such a huge question, isn’t it? I
think, so for me, what led to my diagnosis was through, through my children,
their needs and identifying those and then actually realizing we’re really
alike. We’re alike in so many ways, which is brilliant, and it enhances our
bond.
Claire Grayshan: But
then it also makes you think, actually if they’re autistic, then I’ve gotta be
autistic. And I wasn’t actually gonna explore it further. I was quite happy
with my own. Self validation of that. But my, it was one of my children that
said if I’ve had an, I, I appreciate the honesty and the bluntness ’cause I’m
the same, and she said, if I’ve had an assessment, why aren’t you having an
assessment? And I said that’s a good point. Do you feel that it would be useful
if mommy, we had an assessment? And she said [00:02:00]
yes. So that’s what sort of initiated that. In terms of the diagnosis itself, I
actually went through the right to choose and it turned out that I had
literally a week between my autism diagnosis and my A DHD diagnosis.
Claire Grayshan: So
it was a bit it was a bit of a chaotic time. I didn’t expect my A DHD diagnosis
to come at the same time. I didn’t actually think I was, I had a DHD, so there
was that shock as well. But since then, so that was last July and since then,
for me. It’s been a process of actually understanding myself better.
Claire Grayshan: I’ve
actually been kinder to myself realizing why I am like I am, and that it’s not
necessarily for example, all through my life, so I’m 39 now, I’m 14 next month.
All through my life I have felt that every, and I’ve been told, several times
that I don’t care about what anybody thinks.
Claire Grayshan: I
just say what I think and I’m brutally honest and. Blunt is a word that people
describe, grab me as. And it was always an insult. It was never a compliment. [00:03:00] It was never I love your honesty, or, I’m
so glad I know where I am with you when you talk. It was gosh, you don’t care.
Do you, you don’t care.
Claire Grayshan: And
I’m like, I don’t understand. I’m just saying the answer to the question. You
are asking me the question. So things like that sort of started to slot into
place after the diagnosis because actually. Maybe I’m not blunt, maybe I’m
literally just, it’s how my brain is, it’s how I’m wired.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
me answering the question. It’s me being, honesty is really important to me and
not being fake and not like I can’t do that. Those kinds of things all make up
who I am, which are all part of being autistic as well. So I suppose it was
realizing those things and why I was like I was, but also that.
Claire Grayshan: I’m
not just autistic, I’m player. Do you know what I mean? And not every artistic
person is the same. So yeah, it’s been a rollercoaster, but I would say on the
whole now from the ups and downs of, oh my gosh, why did nobody recognize this
sooner? And, oh, does this mean I’m rubbish at this or that?
Claire Grayshan: And,
all those kinds of things, like [00:04:00]
negative thoughts to actually, this is when people tell me that I’m an
overthinker. This is what makes me super sensitive to my client’s needs. I’m a
business coach, so that’s a really positive thing for my for being a business
coach. I get onto a call with a client and I can tell I’ve got like strong
intuition and I can feel micro changes in how they’re being, and I don’t know
that everybody has that, and it’s something that I’m good at, and I think it’s
because I’m autistic and it’s my attention to detail, and I might not have that
if I wasn’t.
Claire Grayshan: So I
guess I can see it a lot more in a lot more positive light, which then as a
parent. I’m able to then put that positive spin so their experience is not
obviously discounting the hard things that we go through, but yeah, definitely
up and down.
Victoria Bennion:
It’s got a lot of benefits, hasn’t it? Has it changed the way that you advocate
for your children at school?
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Yeah. It does it makes it, I. For me, I think as a, as somebody who
really, I’ll [00:05:00] always be an
overthinker, right? It’s just part of who I am, and I’m okay with that now. But
for a long time I gave myself grief about that. Oh, why do I have to make such
a big deal out of things?
Claire Grayshan: Why
can’t I just deal with things and park it like everybody else? That kind of
stuff. Gaslighting myself, in my own head and I. Because I’m being to my
obviously to you wouldn’t talk to anybody else the way that you talk to
yourself in your head. So because of the way that I am with my children and
when they come up with these, oh, everybody else is fine with this, but I’m not
fine with that.
Claire Grayshan: Why?
And I’m like, yeah, but what’s the strength to do with that? Like absolutely,
this is difficult and this is what we’re experiencing right now, but what’s the
strength to do with that? So that then forces me to look at it in a more of a
positive light. So when it comes to advocating for their needs at school, that
whole.
Claire Grayshan: Oh,
horrendous thing that
Natalie Tealdi: Oh,
we know.
Claire Grayshan:
through. Yeah, I’m sure you do. And yeah. Wow. So obviously I’m in the thick of
that right now, so we’re applying for an EHCP needs assessment at the
beginning. Some of my children are going through assessments. Some have [00:06:00] already been through and diagnosed.
Claire Grayshan:
We’re different stages. I’ve got three children, and it comes to school and
you’re like, oh yeah it’s difficult to see with the, with this one of my
children. I’m like, eh, it’s not difficult for me to see at all, but I
appreciate you saying that inside. I’m thinking, wow, yeah, not a clue. I need
to help them understand.
Claire Grayshan:
Whereas before I was like, maybe they’re right, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m not
right on this. So I think one thing of having my own diagnosis that the
positive that’s come out of it is. I’m more confident in that I am the best
person to parent my child along with my husband. Like we are the best people.
Claire Grayshan: We
are here because we are perfect for them. Instead of second guessing all the
time, am I doing the right thing? Is this the right? And yet we are winging it.
I’ve got, I’m not an expert in Send Law or advocacy or any of that stuff, i’m
an expert in my kids and I think that my diagnosis has helped me realize that.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, and I think most of us are winging it with the system.
Natalie Tealdi: Oh
yeah.[00:07:00]
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. There’s not another way to navigate it. Is there really?
Victoria Bennion: No.
You’d you’re going into uncharted territory for sure.
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah.
Natalie Tealdi: I’m
interested to know what was the school system like for you when you were at
school?
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. So to describe myself as a child, looking back, actually for the class
that I was in, so I was in a class of something like 35 kids, and there was a
group of normally boys that were spent the most of the day in the corridor.
They were in the corridor because they were sent out they were disrupting the
class.
Claire Grayshan: They
were physically. Throwing stuff or irritating people or whatever. So they were
visibly unhappy with their situation in class and that’s where they spent their
time. I was sat in the class listening to every single pin drop to make sure
that I heard exactly what was going on because I was, I felt that I was always
on the back foot.
Claire Grayshan: But
academically I was okay. I was bright but I always felt like I was [00:08:00] missing something, so I had to listen to
every little thing. And that, that went for everything, that went for
friendships, that went for lessons, that went for teacher instructions how
somebody spoke to me, everything. So on the outset, people would and I was
autistic and had a DHD then, but on the outset people would’ve looked at me and
thought, model student. I went to university. I got a first class honors degree
in science in forensic science. I was a scientist. So successful on paper. But
then when you look back through actually, what was the experience? It was high
anxiety and not being able to sleep in primary school because I was worrying
about horrible things happening.
Claire Grayshan: Or
immersing myself in en Bliden books until the early hours of the morning
because I couldn’t turn my brain off or the rest of the family going to sleep.
And me sat there with a lamp reading to try and distract my brain from what was
going on in it. So the signs were there, but obviously none of us knew, and
none of us understood.
Claire Grayshan: And
it was, Claire’s a good reader. She lost [00:09:00]
reading and I did for that reason. But it’s not until and I don’t honestly feel
that anyone’s to blame on this. We know what we know at the time and life’s far
too short to be I’m not saying it’s wrong to grieve over a life that you might
have had if you’d have had a diagnosis.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
absolutely not wrong. It’s whatever you feel is valid as an individual. But for
me personally, I feel like. Yes, things could have been different. If I’d
known, I would’ve gaslighted myself less. I would’ve definitely given myself a
hard time, a lot less. And I did that a lot, especially throughout 18-year-old,
1920, those you are like, you’re not at school anymore.
Claire Grayshan:
You’re trying to find your own way, still wanna fit in. And I didn’t really,
and I remember one, one boy who I was friends with saying to me, and I still
know him today, is actually my brother-in-law now. He said I could never be
with you, Claire, because you are so high maintenance. And he didn’t mean
physically.
Claire Grayshan: He
didn’t mean my nails, my hair, my, he didn’t mean that I knew exactly [00:10:00] what he meant. He meant emotionally. He
meant my, like I was up and down and impulsive and said what I thought and all
of those things that are still me today. I get it because that’s probably how
other people may have viewed me at the time, if I’d have known that.
Claire Grayshan: It
was more how my brain worked, and I might have leaned into the positives of
that a little bit more, but at the time I was just like, oh, I need to just
hide this emotion. I need to hide that. So the school experience was scary. I
think I, I was, I spent a lot of time being anxious, but on the outset, nobody
would’ve known.
Claire Grayshan: I
had, I wanna say friends like that. It’s not that I didn’t have friends, I had
people who I hung around with, but I didn’t feel like I had really deep
friendships. And I know the difference now because in my thirties I’ve made
deep friendships and I have a deep friendship with my husband, and we’ve been
together since we were 21.
Claire Grayshan: So
that’s an example of a deep friendship as well as obviously our relationships.
So I know the difference. It’s just looking back then, I had people [00:11:00] who, we were friends and we had some
things in common, but I wouldn’t say there were deep friendships and I didn’t
experience that till later.
Victoria Bennion:
That’s interesting. So now looking at mainstream schools, with your own
experience in them, with your children’s, what changes do you think we need to
see?
Claire Grayshan: How
long have you got Victoria?
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, as long as you like.
Claire Grayshan: A
few things just off the top of my head. I could sit and write pages on this
’cause I just think there’s so many little things that they could do at school
that have made massive differences and sometimes things happen and you think,
are you joking? Like, why are we still doing that?
Claire Grayshan: For
example, a little stupid thing that means so much to my children. And when I
say stupid, I mean ’cause it doesn’t mean to happen is seat changes after half
terms. Why are we bothering with that? Just sit where you wanna sit.
Claire Grayshan: Not
disrupting anybody, you’re not irritating anybody.
Claire Grayshan:
Everything else is working okay. Why do we need to switch it up? It causes so
much anxiety. I just think there’s something silly like that. Why are we doing
it when it causes from in my [00:12:00] house?
It might cause a whole week of not going to bed, comfortably anxiety, buildup
of anticipation, all of those kinds of things.
Claire Grayshan: And
there are so many little things like that. I say little, they’re not little in
my house, but do you know what I mean? Li when I say little, how easy would it
be to just not do that? It doesn’t affect anything. And then the style of
learning itself, there’s no there’s not much visual learning, I don’t think,
we’re especially like, my one of my children is in year five now, so the mostly
sat at desks I give up that’s 10 years old, just 10.
Claire Grayshan:
That’s it. They’ll spend all of secondary school in at, sat at a desk.
Unfortunately, I don’t agree with that either. But you know how this, and I
think, why can’t we at 10 be out in the fields? Why can’t we be learning
fractions with flowers? I don’t know. Do you know what I mean? Let’s use our
imagination.
Claire Grayshan: But
I also understand the other side of that, where teachers are so up against it
with time and resource and all the rest of it, that they don’t have the
capacity for it because the need to do it in the most efficient method. [00:13:00] Which is is this what we’re about now? So
the changes for me need to come right from the start, which is obviously the
government and the funding and actually the way that teachers are trained.
Claire Grayshan:
Instead of just training on how to deliver this education, why aren’t we
training on how to actually communicate with all of our different brands,
because we’re not going anywhere.
Natalie Tealdi: No.
Claire Grayshan: Like
it doesn’t make sense to me for people to not understand, but even in today’s
day where we’ve moved on so much in understanding and they’ve opened the right
to choose because we recognize that more people need assessments and whatever
else, but okay, great.
Claire Grayshan: But
then also recognize that autism isn’t just a learning disability. ’cause some
people have learned disabilities, but others don’t. That’s what a lot of stigma
is attached, isn’t it? If I was to say to somebody, I’m an autistic woman, be
like, you’re fine. Like I’ve heard that so much. You’re fine.
Claire Grayshan:
You’re absolutely fine. You’ve done your degree, you’ve now, you’ve got your
own business, you’ve got a lovely house. [00:14:00]
Yeah. But what does that have to do with anything? Do you know? And I think
it’s, people just don’t know what they don’t know. And it’s unfortunate that.
Teachers who are obviously with our children the majority of the time.
Claire Grayshan: All
day, every day. And if they’re not neuro affirming, that can have a massively
negative effect because as parents, a lot of us are overloaded that way.
Especially if you have more than one child, you are trying to do any, if you’ve
got more than one. Neurodivergent child, you are offering different support for
all of your children.
Claire Grayshan: If
you are neurodivergent, you’ve got your own needs that you need to recognize
and put your own boundaries in place so you can be the best parent. Like it’s
such a juggle, isn’t it so difficult to manage all of that? So then if they
come home completely dysregulated because of simple things that could be
changed very easily and actually really help the parents out and really help
the teachers out actually. I just think, i’d love to go into schools and be
like, how about we do it this way? How about we have the light switches on
dimmers? How about we have [00:15:00] some
regulation zones? How about this isn’t gonna cost a lot of money? Do you know
what I mean? How about instead of structuring our lessons this way, every
lesson add half at a desk, half out, I don’t know, just small things that don’t
necessarily cost the earth but can be implemented.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, I remember my son, he used to struggle with the busy walls , the
different artwork going up and down,
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah, it’s funny you should say that because I’d just mentioned that to a
teacher when I was in school the other day. Literally that same thing. I was
sat down and she says, how would you change this classroom to be more
neurodivergent friendly? ’cause obviously I was explaining my points across and
I said I don’t know where to look right now.
Claire Grayshan:
There’s so much to look at and I’m an adult that knows I need to pay attention
to this conversation. And I’m literally like, am I looking here? Here? It’s so
much, and I know you wanna put it on display, but Wow.
Victoria Bennion:
It’s just a lot, isn’t it? It’s a lot more to process
Natalie Tealdi: A lot
more to filter out.
Claire Grayshan:
That’s it. And then you are working hard at filtering it out. And then are you
listening?
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
like one of my children went to school in pajama [00:16:00]
bottoms years ago. And I remember saying to the teacher, I’d rather she was
listening to the maths than thinking about the pants and the skirt,
Victoria Bennion:
Yes.
Claire Grayshan:
because she can’t do both.
Victoria Bennion: , A
hundred percent. And I think what you were saying about the different styles of
learning, so my son’s in a specialist school now, and they can adapt to that.
Way of learning. He came home yesterday and said, oh, we were looking at Fox
bones yesterday. We were doing animal science. And Friday they were dissecting
a hornet that they’d found when they were out in the fields.
Victoria Bennion: And
but so I think so many children would benefit for, from that approach.
Claire Grayshan:
Absolutely. But I also think that on the flip side of that, ’cause I know that
a lot of parents might be thinking. Home school, I’ve been in Facebook groups
where people put something, a mother will put something maybe anonymously. I’m
really struggling with my child at school for whatever reason.
Claire Grayshan:
School avoidance or they’re not meeting the need or whatever it is. And then
everybody, or a lot of [00:17:00] people will
be just take them out. And I think, yeah, that’s fine. If you are that way, if
you’re able to do that. When I say able, I don’t just mean financially,
emotionally.
Claire Grayshan: I
mean your boundaries. I mean your, you still deserve a life as well. Like we
obviously want the absolute everything for our children, but if it will send
you over the edge to actually home educate your kids, then that’s not a good
decision for anybody. Is it because your child just wants their mom? They don’t
want the mom and everything, they would just want a mom out. I think sometimes
we can give ourselves a hard time about that as well. I’ve heard people say
that to me, oh, maybe I know that I should homeschool, but no, not necessarily.
It’s not the answer to everything. If it upsets other things, there’s gotta be
an in between and I think. talk about like the Inbetweeners a lot, is that book
I forget her name, Lisa Lloyd. She wrote that, what is it? Send
Victoria Bennion: And
between is
Claire Grayshan: and
a brilliant book. But anyway the concept there of, between mainstream and
specialist [00:18:00] is the InBetween children
that I feel are missed.
Victoria Bennion:
Yes.
Claire Grayshan: I
know that obviously we have the children that are in mainstream and they’re
not.
Claire Grayshan:
Necessarily getting the full support and children that are in specialty school
can also have issues, but in that middle bit where they’re not eligible for
whatever reason to go to a specialty school, but yet mainstream is not
fulfilling what they need, and it’s not a bit, it’s not that much extra to
fulfill the need.
Claire Grayshan: And
they’re in that in between stage and it’s we don’t really, as a government, I
think we should be looking at that and thinking okay, look, we wanna cut down
on school avoidance instead of slapping these fines on parents. Let’s think
about what flexi approach we can have. Let’s not putting an extra strain on the
teachers.
Claire Grayshan:
Let’s do some state schools that are online for half the time, half and half.
How many children would that help?
Victoria Bennion: I
was just gonna say, that would be such a great solution, wouldn’t it? I don’t
know why they don’t. It’s ’cause that isn’t hard.
Claire Grayshan: No,
obviously, the funding, the schools anyway the schools are getting the funds
anyway, so I personally [00:19:00] think that,
for my children, that would be incredible. They would love to go to school for
half the week and the other half the week have time to decompress and learn at
their own pace and realize that they’re not.
Claire Grayshan: Less
than for not conforming in certain areas either, whether that be academically,
socially, or whatever. They can still access that half the week, but then,
develop their own sort of learning style and feel There’s a lot of trying to
fit in when you’re in mainstream and you are neurodivergent and it’s something
I’m very aware of in our house and it’s not very easy.
Claire Grayshan: I
don’t find it easy to parent, like when I hear my children say. No, I can’t do
that because everybody else is, or no, we’re not allowed to do that. I’m quite
demand avoidant, so I hate those words anyway. We’re not allowed. What do you
mean you’re not allowed? What do you mean you’re not allowed to go to the
toilet at that time?
Claire Grayshan: If
you need the toilet, you need the toilet, what do you mean you’re not allowed?
So I’m probably school’s worst nightmare anyway. But that’s another story.
Yeah. I just think that we need more in between solutions.
Victoria Bennion: I
think it would help so [00:20:00] many children
if they could just make these tweaks get some input, and then also wouldn’t
have so many children missing school and they could access their education.
Claire Grayshan:
absolutely agree.
Victoria Bennion: So
I think this is something that you touched on, but how do you manage your own
energy while supporting three Neurodivergent children and running your
business?
Claire Grayshan:
There’s no easy answer to that. I think for me, I mean it this kinds of
crossover into what I actually do in my business, because as a business coach,
my main ethos is building an aligned business, and that is how I survive.
That’s how I survive, and that’s why I help my clients in the same way because
when I first started out in business.
Claire Grayshan: A
lot. It’s a bit like school. Where people say you launching a new offer, this
is the way you do it. You show up on social media. These are the phases of the
launch. This is how you release an offer. This is how you get the best out. So
you can do that and you can get the results. But what happens at the end of it?
Claire Grayshan: If
it’s not aligned to your energy, then you burn out, then you think that you are
[00:21:00] rubbish at selling, then you would
doubt your offer. Then you don’t make any money. ’cause the energy that you’re
putting out is that kind of from that place. So it’s about creating. A solution
in an aligned way.
Claire Grayshan: And
I get that’s not easy if you’re employed. Obviously I’m not, and the reason I’m
not is because it’s because I’m neurodivergent, that’s it. It’s because of all
of my personal traits that make me who I am that make employment difficult for
me. I was achieving on paper, but I just thrive in self-employment, the first
way in answer to your question, the first thing is my business is built in a
way now that. Is aligned with my family lifestyle in terms of energy highs and
lows, in terms of times of the year that are more difficult than others. I
won’t be releasing offers at the start of the summer. I won’t be releasing
something new in the middle of the summer holidays.
Claire Grayshan: I
have the school holidays pretty much off, and I have automations that run in
the background. So the way that my business is set up, and that, again, this is
something that I work my clients with, [00:22:00]
but that’s the business side. In terms of family life and my own personal sort
of boundaries, try that sits and says that they’ve got it sorted, I think it’s
lying, right?
Claire Grayshan: I
try my best to put the boundaries in place, even with my own children having
their own needs, for example. Talking to me in a certain way that’s
disrespectful. It doesn’t matter to me whether you are demand avoidant or not.
I’ll cater to all of those needs, but my personal boundary is I don’t like
being spoken to that way, just as I wouldn’t want to speak to somebody else
that way.
Claire Grayshan: So
that’s a family rule. It’s not a hierarchical rule, it’s a family rule and how
we treat people generally. So that’s one of my boundaries and I’ll stick by
that so I won’t be hanging around you if you need support and you are talking
to me that way. I’m gonna give you some time and I’m gonna come back later.
Claire Grayshan: And
I’ll tell you that, and that’s how I personally deal that. I dunno if that’s
supposed to be the right way or what other people say. That’s how I deal with
it. And it allows me a [00:23:00] minute to go
away. I’ve given them, I’ve told ’em exactly what’s happening and I can go away
and breathe and be like, look, yes, they are talking to me like that. Right now
they’re struggling with this, and I can come back into the empathetic
understanding frame of mind. I actually want to be in instead of the angry
cross. How done by you are triggering me for that minute that I was in there?
Do you know what I mean? It allows me to reset for a second. So that’s how I
try to manage my boundaries.
Claire Grayshan:
Listen, it doesn’t always work. Sometimes I’m triggered. They’re triggered. We,
and sometimes it looks very chaotic and stressful, and my husband will walk in
and I’ll be like. You need to get in here right now with some other choice
words, but generally speaking, we try to talk about our own needs in the house.
Claire Grayshan: I
try to encourage that, so it’s not taboo. Do, if you like, I’ve got one, one of
our children as like food sensory issues. And I am a little bit like that
sometimes. We [00:24:00] make light of it where
we can without I, I don’t wanna take away from the challenge. The challenge is
there, and it’s important to say that this is difficult sometimes, we’re not
minimizing that.
Claire Grayshan: But
then sometimes it’s okay to laugh about it. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes
it’s okay to say that slimy food, it’s like snail trails or whatever. He said
it’s okay to do that. And make light of it because there’s times where my other
children who don’t have food issues will say it’s not fair that, you’ve put
broccoli on my plate and that child doesn’t have it.
Claire Grayshan: And
you’re like, yeah, but we all have different needs. And just like you don’t
have, you have you struggle when it’s really loud and so doesn’t like we make
sure that when you feel like that this is what we put in place. And it’s the
same thing here. So yeah, we try to be open about it, but yeah.
Claire Grayshan: Hey
it doesn’t always work.
Victoria Bennion:
They sound like good strategies though, to me.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
they do.
Claire Grayshan: With
the best will in the world. Sometimes you just have those days though, don’t
you, where you’re like I know I should be doing this, but right now, like I
cannot process this right now.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, absolutely. ’cause it really depends on your state, doesn’t it? We just [00:25:00] can’t always be at our best, but
Claire Grayshan: Or
if you haven’t slept or if it’s actually really hot and you don’t regulate your
temperature very well, like me or whatever your level of stress at the time or
and children are the same. I think it is quite important. I said to my son was
it last night? I felt like I snapped at him.
Claire Grayshan:
There was a few things going on in the sort of family room, and I felt like I
snapped at him and I, later on I said, listen, mommy shouldn’t have snapped at
you like that. I was feeling a bit like this, but I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have
done that. I tried to do that to remind them I don’t always get it right as
well.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
all right because I think it’s, there’s too much sort of perfectionism,
especially I think especially if you’re autistic, you can, I don’t know if
others agree with me, me and my daughter are like this, but you’re striving for
perfection almost. And it’s actually that’s quite unachievable.
Claire Grayshan: Have
to remind ourselves that,
Victoria Bennion:
yeah, definitely. And I think it’s good to show that we make mistakes I feel
like it’s a good thing to model. I have to model the same.
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Yeah.
Natalie Tealdi: me
too.
Natalie Tealdi: How
do you support [00:26:00] your neurodivergent
business owners to build businesses that work for their brains?
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. It’s so important, I know this from firsthand because I touched on it
earlier when I said about, releasing offers and live launching and things like
that. So the backstory behind this and how this is a focus in my business and
my main ethos really is because, I didn’t realize why it, I suppose it feels a
bit silly saying this now, like knowing what I know now, but, hindsight and all
that. Last year when, at the start of last year, I was launching a group
coaching program, and it was going really well. Every time I launched it, I had
new clients in again, on paper.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
very successful, ticked all the boxes of what my goals were to achieve for
that. But inside I was literally. Wanting to the business now this is not for
me. What am I even doing? And it wasn’t until, I don’t know, maybe I’m a slow
learner, like third time of launching, I was like, what am I even doing?
Claire Grayshan: And
I remember speaking to a coach who I was getting coached by at the time. I’ve
always invested in [00:27:00] my own personal
development. I remember speaking to her and saying, I hear this. I literally
hate it. And they were like, yeah, you are achieving this and you’re achieving
that. And I’m like, no, you’re not listening to me.
Claire Grayshan: And
it was around that time that I was diagnosed and I think it all started to slot
into place. I dunno how much you guys believe in this, but, and I wouldn’t say
on the WOOWOO type, but if you, really affirming something and you’re like,
I’m, I’ve made this decision the other day. I said I’ve made this decision.
Claire Grayshan: I’m
gonna message this person and have this conversation as soon as I get time
later today. That’s the decision made, right? Because I haven’t heard from that
person. And this is what we agreed, right? So I had the decision firm, this is
what I’m gonna do. Later on that day, the message me, it’s like when you have
decided this isn’t the way for me.
Claire Grayshan:
Another door will open and it’s okay, but before you’ve made that decision,
it’s actually really quite scary. And you need to be courageous to step away
from, especially if it’s working, bringing you in money, achieving everything.
That’s even harder. So then step away and be like, I am totally stopping this
right now [00:28:00] because it’s not good for
me.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
not good for me, it’s not good for my family. The knock on effects. ’cause it’s
never just you, is it? It’s okay. I’m feeling stressed, but now my kids are
feeling it and I’m a little less I have a little less, what is it? Window of
tolerance. Do you know what I mean? I could that’s getting smaller and smaller
because, I’ve launched this group program and it’s driving me a bit mad, it was
very easy for me to see after I had my diagnosis. Oh, the reason why I’ve sat
in these very high ticket masterminds and everybody else is doing it this way,
and they’re thriving on the surface, could be a collection of reasons. Firstly,
they might not be as honest as me about how they’re feeling. Because like I
said, I say what I think, maybe they’re not, which is fine. That’s up for them.
And maybe the what I’m, ’cause I think as well being autistic, you can ex, you
can set people on face value ’cause that’s how you wanna be taken. So I expect
people, what I say is what, exactly what I mean.
Claire Grayshan:
There’s no hidden meaning there. If you’ve asked me a question and you want to
know my feeling on it, this is my feeling. Other people are the same. And
that’s absolutely fine. But it’s recognizing [00:29:00]
that, and after my diagnosis, I was able. So with my clients, so sorry. Going
back like with the launch, I decided then I’m not gonna do live launching
again.
Claire Grayshan: I
completely stopped, had the summer off, re-looked at my business when I came
back, and I weren’t sure if I wanted to carry on, to be honest. I dunno whether
this is my impulsivity or creativity, whatever you want, however you wanna
angle it. But for me, it was imperative that I did this because for me to carry
on and to carry on scaling the business, I weren’t gonna do it in this way
anymore.
Claire Grayshan: It
was wearing me down. And also my children’s needs were upping and upping in
terms of advocacy at school and all the other things that we go through, right?
So I needed it to be more forgiven in my business. So I re-looked at it. I
implemented more self-paced options. I implemented, I work with somebody who
helps me.
Claire Grayshan: With
all the stuff that I find boring because as an A DH adhd I have no interest. If
it’s boring me, it’s just not gonna get done. It doesn’t matter how capable I
am of doing it. So implemented automations into my business that. [00:30:00] Take away some of that mind heaviness that
I don’t need because I’m thinking about eh, HCPs as well.
Claire Grayshan: And
then I restructured my offers, so my marketing changed, my offers changed, and
with my clients, to answer your question it rolls over to that. So it’s
creating marketing that I call low resistance marketing. What’s low resistance
to you might not be low resistance to me. So it’s about figuring out what that
actually is.
Claire Grayshan: Not
everybody needs to be posting on social media 24 7. There’s other ways to get
visible, right? So it’s like what marketing is right for you? And then no
hustle offers what feels no hustle. Like some people I work with say, I love
being live. I love being out there. I love that. For me, that would absolutely
drain my energy day in, day out.
Claire Grayshan: But
yet I’m happy to be in people’s group programs doing guest expert slots and I’m
happy to be on podcast discussing. ’cause I don’t, it doesn’t take, it’s I call
it zone of genius. It’s different from a strength. You can do things as a
strength. I’m good at this, I’m good at that. But zone of genius, you don’t
have to think about it.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
no [00:31:00] effort. It doesn’t tire me one
bit because I enjoy it. Yes, I’m calling on the skills that I might have, but
it doesn’t feel like an effort. So with my clients, it’s about auditing their
business right now. I call them leaks. Where’s the leaks? Where’s your money
leaks? So opportunities to make more money.
Claire Grayshan:
Where’s your energy leaks? What’s draining it? What feels good? Where’s your,
all these different leaks in your business? And then from that, we can start
moving forward with the low resistance marketing, a strategy plan and the no
hustle offers. And then you can start to grow towards what you wanting to
achieve.
Claire Grayshan:
Because there’s like a ton of ways to do these things there. There’s so many
ways to get visible. There’s so many ways to sell. I should know. I’ve done
loads of them trying to figure it out myself. And come through the other side
of it and it just shows, like that first month back when I changed those offers
and I changed that marketing strategy for myself before I even started with
these, this new approach with my clients because I’ve been a business coach for
years. That first month in, I [00:32:00]
actually had my highest income month yet now, the reason for that wasn’t
because I was working my. Bum off. It’s because I changed my approach and it
was what I like to call it like, like the flow of least resistance. If you’re
walking down a river and it’s easy, but then you try and turn around and walk
up and it’s like walking through mud.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
’cause I was walking down the river. Do you know what I mean? It was ’cause I
was leaning onto the things that were easy to me. You might have guessed I like
analogies. So I explain anal analogies with business because I find it easy.
It’s easy for me. There’s no point in me doing loads of lives on my socials
’cause it drains me.
Claire Grayshan: So
it’s about figuring those things out and then once you do, it’s almost a bit
surprising of it is all, there’s a stigma to say this, but of how easy it’s,
people say easy to make money, like. It can be easier to make money, but if you
are focusing on the wrong things in your business, then it won’t be, it’ll feel
like you’re walking through a mud, and that’s exactly what I felt at the start
of last year.
Claire Grayshan: It’s
not just about what’s actually coming into your bank account. It’s how it feels
to get there.[00:33:00]
Victoria Bennion:
Yes.
Claire Grayshan: I.
Victoria Bennion: I
think that’s really good advice and you are so well placed to work with your
clients. , It’s a scary thing. To move away from a model that is draining you,
but it’s bringing in the money. So it’s good you can say, but I’ve done it and
you can do it
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Oh yeah. You’ve gotta you’ve gotta make the mistakes aren’t you, to know
that it’s not the right thing for you, and it’s, it is, even if it is ticking
the boxes on paper, ’cause it’s not all about that. ’cause we’re human, aren’t
we? And we have feelings. And as much as I hear people say, oh, autistic people
are empathetic and autistic people, I just think that’s a lot of rubbish
personally.
Claire Grayshan: The
sensitivities that neurodivergent people have and it’s what are yours and what
are your strengths? ’cause there will be tons, and it’s whether you recognize
them as strengths or challenges right now or not. That’s, that’ll be the phase
that you’re in right now.
Claire Grayshan:
There was times when I recognized them as challenges. And now I recognize them
as strengths, such as, like I’ve mentioned, overthinking about how much [00:34:00] attention to detail I give through doing
that. Yes, it can be draining and I do need to manage it, but also, and I, I
have things that I try to implement to, to limit that, but then also what
benefit that can give.
Claire Grayshan:
Yeah.
Victoria Bennion:
Fantastic. Before we wrap up, is there one piece of advice you would like to
leave other neurodivergent parents and carers with?
Claire Grayshan: The
best piece of advice that somebody told me when. Things are feeling really
hard. Like you’re going through a time with your child or children where
something is happening and it’s feeling like, how am I actually gonna get
through this?
Claire Grayshan:
Whether it be the cat for the past experiences, the can’t get dressed or I’m
struggling to find food, eat, or whatever, and it feels so hard and stressful
and you’re like. It’s imperative that they can do this. It’s not something that
I can skim over, like they need to leave the house and have gloves on to do
that.
Claire Grayshan: They
need to eat in order to nourish their bodies. Like, how am I gonna do this?
It’s not something that’s optional. [00:35:00]
And there’s been a lot of faces like that in, in our family situation. And
somebody said to me, I think it was actually my mom at the time, said, huh, she
will, she will always be like that.
Claire Grayshan: He
will always be like that. There’ll be times where it feels easier and harder
and what it is. At the time I wrote that off, as, oh, this isn’t a phase, this
is the fact that, when you’re a divergent, of course it’s not a phase, but
there’ll be times as you, as your child grows, where other things are more of a
focus than that.
Claire Grayshan: And
so when something was really difficult for us, and it was for a period of time,
and it might be a lengthy period of time. We did get out the other side of it,
and it wasn’t something that miraculously happened. It wasn’t that the
sensitivity wasn’t there anymore. It’s just that as they grew and developed and
we found other solutions, it wasn’t like one thing that like magic wandered it
away.
Claire Grayshan: It
was just that it, it’s not a static situation. It’s always changing. It’s not
always gonna be like that. And whatever the hard thing [00:36:00]
is, like it will evolve and it will. You will find the way through it. It’s, I
think that’s really important to remind ourselves of that when you know, when
it’s, how hard it can feel in that moment.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah. I love that. That’s really useful advice.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
really good.
Victoria Bennion:
Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and all your insights.
Where’s the best place to connect
Claire Grayshan: It’s
my Instagram yeah, I dunno if you can pop the link on or it’s at the virtual
Vibe uk. But yeah, I’m happy to chat with anybody, especially send parents
because I get it. I fully get it. And similar with neurodivergent business
owners, I’ve actually got a free quiz on there to help with figuring out your
strategy and your way.
Claire Grayshan: So
if there’s anybody that’s a business owner that wants to access that, you’re
more than welcome.
Victoria Bennion:
That sounds fantastic. Thank you. We’ll put links to those in the show notes.
Claire Grayshan:
Amazing. Thank you.
Thanks for joining us today on the Autism Mums Podcast. We hope
you have found a little support, [00:37:00] a
little solidarity, and a reminder that you are not in this alone. If you
enjoyed the episode, we’d love it if you’d follow the show and share it with
another parent or carer who might need to hear it. And if you’ve got a story or
a moment you’d like to share, we’d love to hear from you at
www.theautismmums.com.
Until next time, take care.